Episode 11. In which we discuss cold season etiquette.

Cold season etiquette is a mixture of common courtesy and common sense.  And yet there clearly isn’t as much of either floating around as there is lurgy.  So here’s hoping some of my co-commuters read this and take the hint.

1. If you are going to cough or sneeze, that’s fine, everyone coughs and sneezes.  But cover your mouth for the love of God, because getting sprayed by a stranger is nothing short of Nasty.  How can you not be disgusted with yourself?  I’m disgusted if I sneeze and don’t get to a tissue in time when I’m home alone, never mind on a train full of people.  And quite often we see you every day.  Well, from now on every time I see you, I’m going to glare at you with disdain, and make a massive show of never sitting anywhere near you.  Ever again.

2. If you’re lucky enough not to have a cold, congratulations.  But don’t sit there like a precious little princess with your face all wrapped up in your scarf, surrounded by coughing, sneezing repugnatrons.  Sit somewhere else.  You look like a twat, and you’re not getting any sympathy when you do catch a cold because shock horror your scarf isn’t antibacterial.

3. Don’t snort.  If your nose is running, blow it.  Have a hanky to hand.  Ask someone if they have a hanky to spare.  I always have a packet of tissues in my bag, I’d much rather give you the entire packet than endure one more minute of listening to you snort.  If you’re absolutely desperate, give a little sniff until you can find a hanky to handle it properly.  But if you sit there snorting to the back of your throat every three minutes, you’re making everyone around you want to gag.  And see point four for a handy little hint about that cough…

4. You don’t have a cough.  The reason you’re coughing is because you keep snorting.  And funnily enough, your throat isn’t enjoying having the entire contents of your infected sinuses fired at it every time you do your hideous little party trick.  You are making yourself cough, and when you cough your throat red raw, it is all your own fault, and when you get a throat infection, it will be entirely self-inflicted.  Save yourself the trouble.  Blow your bloody nose.
This is a complete non sequitur, but I feel I should mention that as I’ve been writing this (and eating my dinner) My Man’s been singing Bon Jovi at me (full blast) and we’ve been watching Thunderbirds.  He has a habit of making up the words he wants the song to have so what used to be a soft-rock housewife’s favourite is now vaguely pornographic, and Lady Penelope has had her character well and truly brought into question.

Diabetic moment of the day

I went out today to get some nibbles for Christmas Day – crisps, crackers, peanuts, that kind of thing.  I was also supposed to get biscuits, but I didn’t.  And here’s why.  I can’t buy biscuits, because I can’t decide what biscuits to buy.  The reason for this is that I want ALL of them.  Even biscuits I’ve never eaten before and never thought I’d like.  If I could, right now, I’d give them a try.

I did buy one packet of biscuits.  Boots Diabetic Chocolate Cookies.  I know that diabetic sweets are still bad for you, it all gets broken down.  But I’m going to eat biscuits this Christmas.  And if it takes me kidding myself that it’s OK because they’re designed for diabetics, then that’s what’s going to happen.  So there.


4 Responses to “Episode 11. In which we discuss cold season etiquette.”

  1. Great site and information on Diabetes! For more information on health and fitness, please visit our site http://myonlineguide.info.
    Thank you and have a great holiday!

  2. Well gosh, doesn’t that look just a little bit like spam? Nevertheless, it makes me look clever, so it’s staying.

  3. my ex-roommate used to make number 3 on your list happen. every morning when she brushed her teeth.

    and i love that you’re seduced by sexy diabetic marketing.

  4. brushing her teeth? jesus.
    I’ve got a lovely little mental image of a Columbo episode where someone spiked the toothpaste with cyanide or something.

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