Episode 71. In which I get tempted to go all Marmalade Atkins on Twitter.

I like Twitter.  I joined it a few years ago but then didn’t update very often at all (like, twice in eighteen months), but I’ve recently got back into it and it’s fun.  I mean, those that don’t like it go on about how nobody cares what I’m doing and what I’m thinking and what I’m eating, but then, I don’t care that they don’t care, and I’m not making them read it, so back off Scroogey McGrumpins.

Anyway, I’ve been off work for most of this week moving house (have I mentioned that eight million times yet?) and whenever I’m not packing or carrying or unpacking or hanging curtains, I am tempted to update Twitter.  Only I find what I’m actually up to isn’t even interesting to me no matter how I cut it, so I find myself bored.  When bored of the internet, the best thing to do is turn it off, go and make a nice cup of tea, read a book, and come back later, by which time something interesting is bound to have happened.  However, I don’t really drink tea, I’m always reading books, and later is too far away, so I stay on the internet, and try to make my own fun.

Sometimes this involves bullying people.  Not random strangers, you understand, I’m not a skanky troll or anything.  I only bully people I adore.  But then there’s Twitter.

I follow a few celebrities on Twitter, I freely admit it, but I must say I only follow the ones that actually interest me.  I don’t think they’re going to be my best friend and I don’t go through every little thing they’ve ever written looking for some hint as to how I can be extra stalky.  I’m interested in what these people are doing.  I find them entertaining so concentrating their statements to 140 characters is bound to be worth reading.  Not always, but then neither are mine.

Back when the internet was quite new – by which I mean it was first available to us civilians, not when it was first invented – my brother and I joined a ‘forum chat’ in which two of the ‘stars’ of Brookside were answering questions.  It was wonderful, there were were in the comfort of our own home, and we were allowed to put questions forward for proper actors to answer.  We entered a few, but none of them were selected, and it got a bit boring (yes, I said it got a bit boring, because the internet was still a novelty at that point).  So we started getting silly with the questions.  Finally one of our questions was accepted, and submitted to the Brookie starlets.  It was pretty funny, although they didn’t seem to impressed to be asked where they were appearing in panto next season.

In this vein, boredom on Twitter leads me to want to mess with celebrities.

Amber Benson is an accomplished actor, author, director and producer.  Every so often I get the urge to ask her what her favourite episode of Buffy is.  I’m sure she’s been asked that question a billion times.  That’s why I want to ask it.

Dave Gorman is constantly being asked about his next project with Danny Wallace – I happen to know from his responses that he hasn’t seen the guy in seven years (no, no falling out, just life moves on and all that).  And he’s got to be a bit pissed off by now that the subject keeps coming up.  So on a particularly evil day, it is hard for me not to ask whether he and Danny will be in panto together next season.

Eddie Izzard doesn’t update very often, and when he does it’s some randomness, just as you’d expect.  I’d quite like to ask him whether he’s ever actually been covered in bees.  And whether he thinks that the trousers made of jam might have been to blame.

I’m really more interested in the reactions than the answers.  But what stops me from tweeting all these things is this.  None of them would read the damned things, never mind reply.  And it’s highly unlikely they’d get the joke.  So it wouldn’t be me going all Marmalade Atkins on Twitter.  It’d be me making a wanker of myself on Twitter.

And I do that every single day, IRL.

Diabetic moment of the day

None today.  Not yet.  Let me get at that ice cream later, though.  We’re moving the fridge-freezer, so it has to be emptied.  Oh yeah.

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