Episode 72. In which I cross the line.

I have quite a strong sense of humour, I can laugh at almost anything.  Not the strongest, I know people who could laugh at absolutely anything.  For me, there are limits, but the limit is basically, “that’s not funny”.  If it’s funny, anything goes.  There are things that are very difficult to make into something funny, and certain things that I take issue with for my own reasons, and that’s the way it should be, but if someone could make a funny comment about even the worst thing in the world, that would be humour. By definition.

The worst things in the world aren’t funny by nature.  It’s not funny to mock the victims of awful events.  But I have made jokes about awful events where the people being mocked are those who react to the awful events in stupid ways.  By this I mean people who take an awful event that in no way touched them or even came close, and they turn it into some personal outrage, as if they are somehow entitled to it.  If I was the victim of some awful event, and some random stranger came up to me to tell me how outraged they were by it, I think my reaction would be, well what the fuck would you know?  This is nothing to do with you.  By all means do what you can to make it not happen again, but don’t you dare kid yourself that your outrage and my experience are remotely similar, or even connected.  Your outrage is all about you, your sense of who can do what and what should be done to those who do different, so be outraged about the hypothetical, but don’t invade my own personal nightmare, because you could very easily be making it worse.

Of course I’d nod sincerely and thank them for their thoughts and let them know how terribly, terribly moved I was and how helpful it was to know they were thinking of me, but on the inside I’d be thinking I’m trying to go to work here, trying to buy a pint of milk, trying to walk the dog, trying to get on with things the way they are, and you’re dragging me right back into the middle of it by telling me that what happened shouldn’t have.  As if I hadn’t worked that out for myself two seconds into the original event.

Luckily I have never been the victim of an awful event, and it’s very possible there are victims of awful events out there who are genuinely glad to know about other peoples’ personal outrage on their behalf.  Maybe I’m just selfish.  I think that highly likely.

Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross and the Andrew Sachs prank calls.  It was stupid, it wasn’t funny, but then I don’t find those two funny anyway.  Ten thousand people complained to the BBC in the week after it happened.  How many of those people were complaining about something they’d been told about second-hand, or even older?  Almost ten thousand.  That’s just pathetic.  It’s pathetic, and it’s a disgrace, that people think that their opinion of old news is so important that ten thousand of them need to write to the Ombudsman about it a week after it happened.  It’s like me writing to the government now to let them know I think they could’ve handled the situation with the Falklands better.  What was done, shouldn’t have been done.  It shouldn’t have been done even if nobody at all had complained about it, so get back in your box until you’ve got something relevant to say, please, British Public.  It’s all about Where were you when Jonathan Ross got suspended?

Oh I was right on the front line, me.  I e-mailed the BBC five days after the radio show was broadcast.  Where was I on the day it was broadcast?  I think I was in B&Q that day, or was that the day we took the kids to Alton Towers, I’m not really sure, was it a Saturday?

Oh I’m sorry sir, is my music coming through my headphones too loud?  Well why don’t you write to the Ombudsman about it.

If we genuinely are in a situation where the BBC needed that kind of pressure to do anything about this kind of crap (and that’s not to say anyone should’ve been suspended or resigned over it, but it would be nice if they’d have been told “you’re paid to be funny, and that was shit, do better or we’ll find someone funnier”) then we need to get rid of the BBC altogether, because what are they good for if not leading the world in broadcasting excellence?

Fuck all.

Anyway, when I crossed the line, it was a joke, about garlic salad dressing.  It made my mate Ted shake his head in despair.  Every time he remembered it.  Which was funny.

Therefore it’s allowed.

Diabetic moment of the day

None so far.  I admit I had a sneaky chocolate truffle earlier on, but we were moving stuff, and I’ve told you before, that uses up energy quick smart.


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