Archive for the Music Category

Episode 82. In which I make up the words.

Posted in food, Henry, Music with tags , , , , , , , , on March 3, 2009 by diabetses

I like to sing, although I really do sound abysmal, and I also like to make up the words as I go along.  Don’t get me wrong, I know the lyrics to a lot of songs – this was once explained to me as the reason I made a great ‘fag hag’ (the one and only time I’ve ever been called that, but I cherish it).  It’s just that I have a highly developed sence of the ridiculous and singing whatever pops into your head will often uncover moments of genius that you might otherwise have decided to keep to yourself.

There are several tunes that I mess with on a daily basis, these are staples, like potatoes and baked beans.  One of my main targets is the theme tune to Spiderman.  The original one, that went with the original cartoon.  For the most part, I use this tune as the starting point to make up songs about my cat, Henry.

The first song I remember making up about Henry went as follows.  To the tune of Spiderman, remember;

Garlic cat
Garlic cat
Does whatever a garlic cat does

Does he stink?
Yes he does
No he doesn’t
Yes he does

What appears to be random, mindless bullying is, in fact, based in truth, and features a complex emotional struggle.  Henry ahd just been caught up on the coffee table finishing off the remnants of my chicken kiev.  My chicken kiev with garlic butter.  I warned him he would stink of garlic, and then I put the sentiment into verse.  I immediately felt guilty about saying he stank, so I issued a denial, and gave him a little cuddle to apologise.  At which point it became clear that he did, in fact, stink of garlic, and so I repeated my original assertion.

Later sections of the song tend to be meaner still, a typical verse going as follows;

In the dead of night
He will cover you in fluff
He will hog the bed
And he’ll e-bay all your stuff

The other staple of our song-writing repertoire (because you’d better believe My Man’s got a piece of the action) is Nina Simone – Ain’t Got No.  This song plays a very important role in our day.  We sing it every morning as we’re leaving for work.  Here’s an example to give you an idea;

Got my keys
Got my phone
Got my lunch
Got my book
Got my purse
Got my scarf
Got my gloves
I’ve got my brolly

One morning recently we forgot to sing our morning song.  We left the house without lots of things we needed.  We have clearly come to rely on it.

I was recently dozing on the train and became aware of the fact that my brain was making up a song without telling me.  I tried to remember it but it slipped away, and all I remembered was the last line;

You’re all fluffy, and your hair smells like shit

Oh, how I wish I could remember the rest of that song.

There are songs I don’t know the words to.  This is likely to be because I haven’t heard them a lot, so it doesn’t bother me, but once in a while I hear a song I half know and in attempting to sing along I will fill in the gaps.  One of my favourites examples of this, and one that is currently stuck in my head (since a man who could’ve passed for David Bowie’s brother sat opposite me on the train home yesterday), is this.  Having looked it up, I know now that the real line is;

Here am I sitting in a tin can.

What I sing is this.

Why am I sitting in a binbag?

Diabetic moment of the day

Today I bought a huge pile of chocolate.  For personal reasons.


Episode 58. In which I shamelessly paste in something I wrote on Facebook last night.

Posted in ancient history, food, Music, people with tags , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2009 by diabetses

Facebook, like any social networking site, has its share of what used to be chain letters floating round the place.  The most recent one is called 25 things.  For this, you write a list of 25 facts about yourself – likes, dislikes, anecdotes, tendencies, whatever you want.  I spent a good four hours trying to think of 25 things about myself worth telling anyone, and ended up with maybe 10 things worth saying, and 15 more that happened to cross my mind.  Since my sinuses are trying to claw their way out through my face I am going to steal what I wrote last night for today’s blog post.  It’s not really cheating, the bloody thing didn’t get published until gone midnight.

There are a couple of differences between the Facebook version and the Diabetses version, just because a few more have crossed my mind since then, so I’ve taken out the crap ones I did last night and replaced them with something that may (or may not, don’t get greedy) be worth reading instead.

Here we go.

25 things

1. My middle name is Grace.  This is very pretty, but ultimately incredibly ironic.

2. I have some grey hairs. This doesn’t bother me at all, one day I hope to look just like Helen Daniels. With slightly less frog DNA. I do dye my hair but that is because I stupidly dyed my hair red about 5 years ago and red dye is impossible to bleach out or dye over. I am on a mission to find my natural hair colour again, through a process of comparison with my roots.

3. I don’t eat, nor can I bring myself to look at, or think too hard about, water-dwelling creatures. This includes fish, shellfish, crustaceans and cephalopods. Anything that lives in water, even just part-time, freaks me out beyond belief.

4. I have a shelf for artwork made by my friends. I have some very creative friends and I hope they realise that I wouldn’t put their artwork on my shelf unless I loved it.

5. I have just re-read Executive Orders by Tom Clancy for about the sixth time. It is one of the longest books I’ve ever read, but it’s one of my favourites.

6. The first single I ever bought, as far as I recall, was Addams Groove by MC Hammer, which was the theme song to the first Addams Family movie in the 90s.

7. I am the middle of three children. I was therefore bullied by both siblings. I never got to do anything cos I wasn’t the oldest, and I never got given anything cos I wasn’t the youngest. I am also the older of two girls. We were often given the same presents at Christmas, but in different colours – the baby got to pick which she wanted, and I got the one that was left. I am now a bitter, twisted person, probably as a direct result of this.

8. I don’t like swimming. I learned as a child but I have since developed a terrifying tendency towards foot cramps, and if I don’t have something to flatten my feet against, I can’t handle it. Which makes swimming a pretty pointless process.

9. I like chocolate a lot more in theory than in practice. My downfall is cheesecake.

10. That little girl in the new Dairy Milk advert, the one in the purple dress, with the glasses, and the eyebrow dancing, and the pink balloon, she reminds me of my sister when she was little. Although I happen to know she hates that advert.

11. Last Valentines Day I got 5olly a crate of Kronenbourg.

12. I used to hate Diet Coke, I thought it tasted like poison. Now I can’t really taste the difference between Diet Coke and full-sugar Coke, other than full-sugar Coke tastes like pure syrup, and leaves me feeling like I just drank glue.

13. My favourite Jackass dude is Ryan Dunn.

14. I play the viola. I don’t actively play it right now, but I had lessons when I was at school, from Primary 4 to 6th year (secondary), so ten years in total, and I have played in a couple of orchestras since then. My viola hasn’t been out of its case, however, in a few years now, and I’m starting to wonder whether I should just sell her.

15. I know the name of the horse whose head ends up in the movie mogul’s bed in The Godfather.

16. Once, when I was a child, I was having a snowball fight with some friends, and a boy in my class came up behind me and rubbed a handful of snow in my face. But he’d just picked it up from the car park and it was full of gravel, so when I ran home crying, I turned up bleeding from the face, although I don’t remember feeling a thing. Probably cos snow is cold.

17. I don’t get art. The artwork my friends gave me that sits on my shelf, I love it because my friends did it, and I can identify the pictures. I have no time or respect for a slash in a jute canvas, it is not a ‘bold work’ or ‘genius’ or ‘original’, it is a hole in a piece of jute. I’m from Dundee, they’ve got pieces of jute full of holes all over the frigging place.

18. I am very black and white when it comes to empathy. I will laugh like a drain if someone I don’t like gets what’s coming to them. However, if this involves actual physical injury I will flinch and sympathise and wish it hadn’t happened, regardless of how much or how little I like the victim.

19. My nickname was Bess when I was little. I don’t remember when or how Betsy came about, but I do remember being called Bess.

20. On my left hand, I can wiggle my pinkie finger independently of my ring finger.

21. I do not travel well. I get travelsick in any vehicle at all. I can mitigate the symptoms by opening lots of windows and staying very cold, because being cold takes my mind off everything and makes me feel a lot better. Most of the reason I feel ill when travelling is down to panicking about what would happen if I started to feel ill. This means that I spend three hours of every working day breathing deeply and trying to calm down and telling myself I can get off at the next stop if I need to and wait for another train with fewer people and more windows and it’ll be fine.

22. Everyone wishes they had my fringe. Although I trimmed it myself just this evening, and I think I really fucked it up. Everyone still wants it.

23. When I was little, and I had bad dreams, they would be about gnomes, marching in circles and chanting in unison, but that’s not what freaked me out. What would freak me out is that the perspective would shift completely at random – one second they’d be right up close then far, far away, then right up close again, and their chanting voices would be really loud, then really distant, then really loud again, at random,

24. When I was in high school, I was pushed (kind of accidentally) down a flight of stairs. I flew over the heads of the two people in front of me and landed near the bottom, and bounced down the last three steps on my face. I still had to go to class and then walk home afterwards.

25. I have an MSc.

Diabetic moment of the day

It’s been alright today.  Although I’m not feeling very well.  For this reason, I didn’t eat anything until about 2pm, and I’ve felt a bit sick all afternoon.  I just had a cheese omelette and I’m not taking any insulin for that cos there’s nothing in it to mess up my blood sugar.  I kind of want to just shoot up about 5 units and eat sugar until it works itself out.

Episode 47. In which I tell you my Pissed Off Playlist.

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , on January 27, 2009 by diabetses

Like many people, I have a couple of playlists on my Walkman.  Nothing particularly well thought through, and I don’t have a selection of playlists, so much as two – one for when I’m pissed off (and/or trying to get from A to B with the minimum of fuss) and the other for when I feel like grinning.

Today, I will tell you what’s on my Pissed Off Playlist.  Maybe one day I’ll tell you what I listen to when I feel like grinning.

This isn’t in any particular order – possibly alphabetic, it depends how my Walkman shows it up.  I set my Walkman to shuffle so the order really makes no difference. Also, sorry if the videos are rubbish, QI is on so I’m looking them up on youtube but not actually listening to them. That’s laziness for you.

24 – Jem

Pure Morning – Placebo

Smooth Rider – Dave Matthews Band

Friday Night – Lily Allen

New Shoes – Paolo Nutini

Double Team – Tenacious D

A Little Less Conversation – Elvis Presley

One Week – Barenaked Ladies

And This Is Nothing That I Thought I Had – Skunk Anansie

The Bitter End – Placebo

Tribute – Tenacious D

Oh My God – Mark Ronson feat. Lily Allen

I Predict A Riot – Kaiser Chiefs

Crosstown Traffic – Jimi Hendrix

This Is How A Heart Breaks – Rob Thomas

Last Request – Paolo Nutini

The King Of New York – Fun Lovin’ Criminals

Black Horse And The Cherry Tree – K T Tunstall

Brianstorm – Arctic Monkeys

Loving You – Paolo Nutini

Army Of Me – Bjork

Sharp Darts – The Streets

Don’t Drink The Water – Dave Matthews Band

Diabetic moment of the day

I had to have some Jaffa Cakes this afternoon.  They were good.