Archive for idiots driving

Episode 116. In which my sister and I are involved in a road rage incident, and come out on top.

Posted in home, people, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2010 by diabetses

The other weekend I sneaked up to Scotland to surprise my mum on her birthday.  I hadn’t been home since I moved to Brighton at the end of 2007, I know I’m a terrible daughter, but it’s very expensive and very time-consuming and very tiring.  But it was mum’s birthday and she wasn’t expecting me so I sneaked up for the weekend.

On Friday afternoon my sister picked me up from Dundee station and we headed off for Kirrie, to stay with my brother for the night, before sneaking into my mum’s kitchen on Saturday morning while she was at the supermarket to jump out at her doing jazz hands when she came in to put the shopping away.

So we’re hurtling along the dual carriageway, absolutely within the speed limit of course, when some cretin in a white van comes shooting up towards the back of a car on the inside lane and tries to cut us up to get around it.  My sister is an excellent driver, but she’d no intention of doing an emergency stop to let this gimp out, so she carries on at her own pace, so the fella trying to nudge in front of us starts doing a very rude hand gesture out the driver’s window.

Then he eased off and slipped back, and as he fell behind us I looked out my window at him with my WTF?! face, whilst saying aloud, “what the fuck?!” just in case he could lip-read.  He was following for a while and when the inside lane was clear he did it again, shot up the inside with his middle finger pressed against his window in what I can only assume was his own version of triumph.  He cut up the car in front of us, which promptly closed up behind him.  The car in front of him had no intention of breaking the speed limit so he found himself pretty effectively boxed in, the tailgater tailgated.

My sister and I, whilst finding it hilarious that he’d gotten himself into that situation which was probably driving him insane, were pretty astounded by this behaviour, some middle-aged workman in a white van chucking abuse at two young women in a car, for not encouraging him to drive like a dick. Crime doesn’t pay, kids, not when you’re trying to commit a crime against my sister, for she is hardcore.  This guy got off lucky.

Eventually he came out from between the cars and shot further up the inside lane, and at this point we had a pretty good brainstorming session going on about what his problem was.

“Is he having prostate trouble?”

“Maybe he’s just dying for a wee”

“Did daddy’s little girl get shouted at at work today, is the little baby upset?”

“Is daddy’s little girl crying?”

“Is it somebody’s time of the month?”

“Is daddy’s little girl having her first period?”

“Is someone feeling a little impotent today?”

At no point did the guy go out of our eyeline.  Despite driving like a mentalist, he never pulled far enough ahead to explain his behaviour.  If he was in some massive rush I could understand, I couldn’t forgive and I still wouldn’t have suggested letting the sod cut us up but I’d have understood why he was behaving that way if his wife had been rushed to hospital or his daughter was having a baby or he was Keanu in Speed or something.

Eventually we came to a point where cars drive in the outside lane to turn off to Forfar on the right.

The guy in the van clearly wasn’t familiar with the road because he got himself stuck in the right hand lane.  Nobody was letting him out.  We debated what we’d do on our way past, but in the end my little sister stayed classy.

She didn’t do the “yap yap yap” hand gesture, or hold up a piece of paper with his registration number written on it.  She just cruised on by and gave him a flirtatious little wave.

And although we saw him in the rear view mirror when he finally got out of the queue he never wanted to be in, and although we cruised along perfectly within the legal speed limit, he never caught up to us and we never saw him again.

The end.

Diabetic moment of the day

None today I don’t think, I had a salad and some boiled eggs for lunch which isn’t very carby and doesn’t demand a lot of insulin, so it was a pretty quiet insulin day.

On an unrelated note, is it possible to sprain your ankle without noticing?  My ankle keeps giving me stabbing pains but I don’t remember twisting it.  I really am some kind of special.